The Best Dr. appointment I ever had

I did it. After months of speculation, research, and anticipation, I reached what just may be the pinnacle of all gastronomic experiences: I got a lobster roll from Dr. Claw!

I will try to recreate the event here as it unfolded...or, more accurately, as it will be remembered and retold many generations from now.

 The street

Gus and I headed to Brooklyn this past Saturday night.  We had already mapped out the location of the infamous "red wall" where customers are instructed to stand and pass inspection - Dr. Claw wants to make sure you're not a city official (he can apparently see you from this location; but you, of course, can't see him).  After a 15-minute walk we arrive at the wall, centered on a deserted block of sleepy townhouses.  The street was so quiet it felt like it was all a joke, like it would never really happen.  Still, I text our order, "Hi Dr. Claw. Two rolls please."

 The Red Wall

Amidst whispers of doubts, four beeps sound and "New Text Msg! Dr. Claw" pops up on my cell phone screen.  My heart starts thumping.  It was real. It was really happening.  To us!  He gives us our wait time: 20 min.  Like a couple of middle-school-aged girls, Gus and I circle the block in giddy excitement.  "Did he really see us?" "Do you have the money ready?" "Should I walk in front of you so he knows who to hand-off to?"

About 10 minutes pass and we get another text with the second location.  The palpitations really start kicking in.  We start to approach the address and I spot a fedora headed figure sitting on the front steps of the second address behind a gated lawn, head down.  The lamppost overhead creates a spotlight effect on the mysterious form, accentuating his muscled arms and glinting ringed fingers. This must be him. But the throne-like set-up throws a cinch in my expectations.  From the video, I was expecting a quick exchange in the street. But the ball seemed to be in my court, not his. Should I wait at the gate?  Should I enter? Should I form my hand into a claw and wave? 

He looks up and we solidify our customer-dealer relationship with a fleeting glance. I fumble with the gate and Gus comes to the rescue, though not without a clumsy trip.  We probably looked way too nervous for a couple of  lobster rolls.  I approach and he asks "Who's going to be the keeper of the bag?"  This was my cue.  I say "I will" and grab it.  Step one accomplished.  I extend my other hand with the folded bills in between my pointer and middle fingers.  In a desperate attempt to fill the air, I say "So good to see you!" as I go in for the handshake.  So, so awkward.  He smiles and says "yeah...let me know!"  We back away, not sure whether to make chit chat or turn around and run.  As we close the gate he says "Yeah, those should be pretty tasty."

After about two minutes of walking in utter silence, Gus and I break out the hot tin-foiled rolls for a picture:

Obviously, once they were opened, we couldn't wait to eat them, so we dove right in.  The Pepperidge Farm rolls (or something very similar) were stuffed with pieces of lump, juicy, tender lobster meat.  The rolls themselves were so moist with butter they were nearly breaking in our hands.  While I normally like rolls crispy on the outside, the soft texture really complimented the lobster meat.  And let's face it, there's no such thing as too much butter.  (I'd so much prefer a buttery lobster roll than one made with mayo.) The flavors of roll, butter, and lobster all held their own. And every bite was even better than the last.  We finished our meal on a bench in McCarren Park.  And all was right in the world.

I was a little afraid that Dr. Claw was getting too much exposure to retain his underground status.  But I was thankfully wrong.  The whole experience was so fun and exciting, like playing a real-life board game, or participating in a scavenger hunt you actually care about.  There were instructions. The element of surprise.  The pressure to not mess anything up.  And of course, the reward.  When you order a roll from Dr. Claw, you're not just paying $14 for a lobster roll.  You're paying for the experience--one that you really can't get any other way.  That being said, the roll was amazing.  I texted Dr. Claw so and he replied " : ) -Dr. C"  Amazing.